From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 53
Again as I wander I question. Why do I not exist? Am I invisible and oblivious to all? I see not a goal, point, reason, meaning, purpose for myself and all who see me I will say affirm what I think about myself for they also think this about me as well. I stretch out mine arms to touch and feel, but come up hollow and empty. I look and seek with mine eyes, but all has come to a nothing. I hear with mine ears, a nothing. And my voice is gone, as now I cannot even make an utterance. Soon i will be as a nothing and be as I already am in this existence. As people don’t see me for me it will be a real reality. My real reality will be a nothing. But who will notice my vanishing, disappearance, none for I never had an existence to begin with. They see, hear, and speak but I am as an illusion, a mist, a fog, a vapor, that is and is not. They see me, hear me, speak me, but I am and am not. To them a nothing I have become. Perhaps I once existed but even that I question now. For who can exist without a declaration. None that I know and know not of. Who will notice, who will care, and who will remember? None for as I am I was, as I was I will be. I am to them but not even now perhaps to myself. For what if they are correct? What if they are not correct? I know and know not. It seems as if the mind of being controls what is and is not? Can it be that is and not is are closer than we have thought before? What separates is and not is, a reckoning, a reflecting, a representing, of mind or minds. I know and know not. So am I doomed to this non-existence existing? When if ever do I become visible to all and none and myself? Who will notice? Who will care? Who will remember? I know and know not.