From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 51 (opening notebook two)
I was transfixed… I was transformed… I was transfused… I was translated… Up above and down below and beyond and across to where the gods reside. A darkness, and coldness surrounds and engulfs me. It sends shivers throughout my body, soul, and spirit. I see, and hear, and speak and all now has a form of matter. A resounding occurs from all that now I know and know not. I move and make movement and that also has a form of matter. Suddenly, a rush, a force forces me in to a prostate, penitent position. A voice speaks our of a flame, in a booming, loud, echoing voice, full of command and authority.
“Hail and welcome to the hallows of -Ness. I am Samael, the Arch of this presence. What do you wish?” I stared in awe of this impressive being and i took some time before I spoke to him. “O great and exalted Samael, pray tell who and what are you? And as to this place what is it? If as your humble slave you would grace me with an answer.” I feel his eyes burn into me, to my soul, and spirit even. As if he is judging me, I remain still and quiet. “I am Samael. I am other. I am arch. I am a part of -Ness. This presence is -Ness. It is and is not. It was and was not. It will be and will be not. It is same. It is other. It is -Ness.” He pauses starting once again into me, perhaps waiting for something or nothing. I speak with a soft, timid, respectful, voice. “Do others be as you are? Or are you the only as you be? Your humble slave asks in a meek and quiet manner.” He roars in himself to a greater height then he already was, but answers still. “There are more who are part of -Ness. They be in name and order by rank in this manner. Samael, Ra and Helios, Metatron, Ea (need to rename). Of those they each have myriads of which also have names but are of less import. Of us four, because on is combined of two, is -Ness. We together are the presence of -Ness. I, Samael, the Arch of the presence of -Ness. Ra and Helios is the light and the dark. Metatron is time. Ea is coldness. And in us is a part of -Ness and combined we are the presence of -Ness. Nothing. Something.” I not noticed before. Though he is a flame, I feel no heat instead I feel cold. “I beseech thee, O great Samael, but what are you? What is your part of -Ness? Your humble slave asks” “I, Samael, is being. I am being.” Suddenly the flame diminishes and disappears and in front of me is a beautiful woman. “As you see, I am as I am.” And immediately the flame reappears. He roars once again to heights unseen. “Now go, for you will come once again to this presence of -Ness, but now you will go.” I disappear and vanish or vice versa. I sat, stood, and moved and made motion for I was shaken by the happening that happened. I laid trying to forget but it was in vain. I then ran until exhausted and slept thinking of what I know and know not, but mainly slept, as it goes and goes to stop and stop. I slept.