From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 40 (End of Notebook 1 Part 1)

by mudrhetoric

A grinding, searing pain exists and extrudes from me and to me. A causation and an effect that flows and flow to somewhere and nowhere. A dream, vision of phantasmagoria. Haunting and lucid and of a sublime nature. Bringing to me a nothingness and an every-anything or a supposed memory of times past and present and future, but perhaps not and perhaps so. But the pain exists, for sure and certain i am and am not for I know and know not. I assume and posit that it be, it is real, a reality, perhaps only real to me, but yet a reality. If and only to me, but perhaps to others, but I know and know not, it could be a reality and real. A drifting, fleeting, floating, object called now and moment and also here and there; I go and stop and stop and go to this changeable object, this object which be and is not stationary in one or the other place, but goes and moves between these two and more said places I have not named for I know them not but know and know not. It flow and flows smoothly but also suddenly and crooked in its ways. It goes and moves for this I am sure and certain; I know and know not. A glimpse, yet a gasp and or sigh, a taking in of breath and an exhalation of soul, that is and is not and was and was not and will be and will be not and so on and so forth of an image, a vision, a phanstasy oh so real and a reality to me and not to me, to others and not to others. Am I to say, “That is real and a reality and that is not real and a reality.” Who am I? What am I? Can others say, “That is real and a reality and that is not real and a reality.” Who are they? What are they? This crossroads of saying had having said and saying not and having said not. How do we justify and call and create and give an existence and essence? Can we? I know and know not but yet know and know not. I expound with an open mouth and full lungs that I am sure and certain that I know and know not, but yet I stop and go and go and go and stop and move and make motion and I know and know not. Who can say, “I know and understand and am lucid and sublime and I know and am sure and certain.” I know and know not such a person and or persons to declare such a statement as a fact for who can be sure and certain, who can know and understand, who can be lucid and sublime. I know and know not such a person and or persons. If they do and could where or when might they be, if they be at all?

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