From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 31
Unbeknownst to me I came to a place I know not of. But knew of even that I know not. But I cam along to this pace where I have now stopped for that and this I am certain. What reason, meaning, point, or purpose did I come and stop? I know not. But I know (or do I) that I have now stopped. A man appeared before mine eyes at this place in which I had stopped. He was not a big man nor was he small but in the middle. He was not a fat man nor a skinny man but in the middle. He was not a handsome man nor a ugly man but in the middle. He was not bald nor did he have long hair but in the middle. I rose to my full height and straightened my back and spoke boldly and loudly to the man, “Are you in the middle?” The make looks from side to side as to be sure I am talking to him and being made sure moved not but looked at me. Thinking he answered me with not a loud voice nor was it soft bu in the middle, “ I believe and think not but I never presume or assume for I could be right or wrong. I can and cannot answer your question, but you may or may not ask or ask not.” I moved with all quickness and stood next to him. I towered over him and looked into his eyes and shouted with anger, “ you rambling lunatic. You worm and maggot and parasite. Why do you exist, for this I have no answer. You are pathetic and spineless and lukewarm. Your staleness disgusts me. You are a disgusting breed, worthless are you. Go away if you can. Crawl on your belly you snake. You viper. You poison all you know. Oh why do you exist?” he looked up to me and anger flowed in his eyes. He spoke, “You go away from me, talk no more. I will not listen. I refuse. Go away from me and this place. Go away!” I smile as he talked. “Go away, go away, go away!” He continued to shout louder and louder and louder. I spoke to him once again, “ Now I will go. For you are no longer in the middle for this moment, and when I leave you will go back to the middle. But I have learned why you exist as you talked. You are but mindless fodder. Whereby greater men will use you however they please. You are but an object for our use. That is why you exist for my use and men like me. Even the useless have a use. The worthless have worth. The valueless have value. They are for my and men like me use. However I see fit I will use them. So I go away learning something and you nothing. So goodbye and farewell.” I smile as I walk away. He continues to shout as I leave but I cannot make out what he is saying. I continue to smile as I go.