From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 15

by mudrhetoric

Walking down the hallway, that be narrow and long and looks more like a corridor that looks as if it is falling in on itself. But I think and believe that this be the way I must go to get where I am going, or so I hope. But if this not be the way then I must turn 180 and go the other way back to where i started. But I am certain of this as I am of any one thing and every one thing and nothing. So move at a pace that seems the right speed for this venture I am making. Not quick, not slow, not fast, but a pace I have set for myself which will get me where I am going, and it will for this I am certain or not. As I walk, I sense a feeling of doom sweep over my body and shiver and tremble in fright. But I am not deterred by this, and still move towards where I am going. This feeling, will not leave me and grows stronger as I trudge, now at a slower pace, of which was not the one I had started, towards where I am going. I know not why I have slowed down, but I know that I have slowed down, bur for a reason I not know I can go no longer at the pace I had originally started, towards where I am going. Everything seems heavier, not physically, but still heavier, not mentally, but just heavier. This doom, this dread, must be what is doing this to me. For as I grow closer, I move slower, and so on it goes on and I go towards where I am going. I cannot shake this feeling of doom and dread, and I wonder and ponder from where this feeling came, but I know not. It seems just to come from where I am going, and perhaps it does, but I must not stop because I must go to where I am going to see if it be where I will stop and end this. That is why I must go for I know not where I go, I am certain that when i arrive, where I am going, then I will know that this be where I stop and end this. So nothing or anything (not) or everything (not) will deter me from my end and stopping. Though it will try, mine mind, and mine body, to lead me away and go where I am not going; I will not go where I am not going. But I will go to where I am going, but not before then and not after then, but only then, yes, only then, when I am where I am going, will I stop and end this. Yes, only then, will I stop and end this.

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