From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 14

by mudrhetoric

*The Deception

Now as I was walking, frolicking, skipping, running, leaping; I chanced upon something and nothing. Or was it a dream or an illusion or a delusion or a fact of nothing and something. Perhaps mine eyes deceived me, I would not put anything past them. Once while walking, I thought someone was following me, I ran scared. But somehow I could not escape it, and suddenly I fell and it was gone. So I said, “ No one is following me,” and walked on as if nothing had happened. But ever since then I have been wary and careful of what mine eyes tell me. So even though it may be a fact of nothing or something. I must in mine mind go thoroughly through all possibilities even considering it a complete and utter fallacy. Believing nothing that my eyes tell me, but sometimes I must, even as the4y lie to me. Once, also while walking, mine eyes told me to duck for a ball was coming my way. But I did not duck, for I know mine eyes lie, and the ball him me square in the face. So I said, “Ouch, that hurt,” and believe my eyes to sometimes tell me a fact of nothing or something. So how tricky mine yes are sprinkling the truth with their lies. But it is for their truth that I not gouge them out of mine head. For though they lie, the truth they tell can only be found in them. And without them we would not have those truths revealed. Such as wondrous alluring beauty and also death and nothing and something. But mainly beauty, for it is pleasing to behold in its many varying forms. Be it a flower or win or water or woman or eyes or skin or color and so on. These objects of wonder can only be known or not known only if sought. The seeking out makes these amazing works all more real and I stand in awe for I am speechless before these works. What can I say to the water or color or woman?! I know not, for these objects are above me and I am below them. I am encompassed by all that they are. I tray, but fail, to put words on them to help me understand what they are and also what I am. Indescribable is these works, if beauty abounds in them. I have no eyes to see what it is before or after me. But, oh to see would be a wondrous thing if but one beauty passes before of after mine eyes. But this not be mine only problem for also I cannot hear nor speak in words for which all and I to understand. Mine ears which be on the sides of my head, but seem not to hear but hear sometimes, but not all the time, but only sometimes. For once, again, as I was walking, I heard a scream, piercing it was, more of shriek than a scream, I suppose. So I run towards the sound and found nothing. Not one single thing. So I said, “Might mine eyes deceive me, or I’m sure mine ears were. For my eyes I am sure did not lie here, so it must be my ears.” For by this time I had become accustomed to my eyes lying, and therefore had learned t discern, to a degree, when they were lying. So mine ears must have lied to me then. So now not only must I be wary of mine eyes, but also mine ears, for now I have learned that both sometimes tell the truth and sometimes lie. How must I discern all that is the truth and separate it from the lies that mine own eyes and ears tell me? So how wretched be mine problem? It be one of the learned discernment. So I must learn what be the truth mine eyes and ears tell me, and not learn what lies that also mine eyes and ears tell me. Oh, that I learn not only learned discernment, but also words to express learned discernment to tell all what discernment, that I learned, had told me and I will tell you. Somehow s I talk i get muddled up in my thoughts and tell of learned discernment and what I did not discern. So I get confused which then confuses you , then again confuses me more, which then confuses you more, and so this escalates until we only speak in foolishness and rubble, and all are now completely confused. Words that I know not quite yet, I must learn for all to understand mine thoughts of learned discernment, and not be confused, but understand what I am saying to one and also all. So that you and I be confused not and all I have learned and know of learned discernment, be learned and known to me and I and you and also to all. For of what worth is mine learned discernment if not understood by I and you. Its only worth be if I and you understand and know, and then share to all what we have learned and know of learned discernment. That be its only worth, anything else would then be worthless, of no value to anyone or anything. And worthless is worthless. So I must learn and understand learned discernment to make it of worth to you and I and me and then to all.