From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 13
What a jubilant time this be. A joyous occasion of which we have set a great feast and invited many guests to come and partake of this sustenance with and for us. I have set a table to fit all great and small. None will be turned away and all with come. It will be a day and night of merriment. Dancing and laughing and speaking and listening. So it will be. I moved as if a skillful dancer, jumping from one foot to the other and back and forth again and again until I tire and then must sleep, only to get up and dance again. The raucous laughter will echo off all the trees and flowers and hills and mountains. And it will seem as if they are joining in with us. The laughing will not cease until we all reel back in pain for laughing so long and so hard. But we will rise from this and laugh even more. The speech will be as if a skilled orator is talking. Using many voices and inflections and a vocabulary that be not matched by anyone. His words comfort, contest, dissent, anger, teach, philosophize, sadden, sing, and many other things can they do. We listen till our ears bleed, hanging on every last word, squeezing all knowledge and truth we can out of it. I sit Indian style and stand straight up and lean back in my rocker and rock, for this is the night and day. The air seems fresh and new as it goes in my nostrils and into my lungs and exits through the pores of my skin. The sky is opening and I sense that it waits for the night to come to be filled with stars that shine and twinkle bright. They glimmer reflecting the joy and happiness of the sun and the moon, and also the water, which is reflecting back the same brightness back to the stars. The night I am sure will be illuminated by all this joy and happiness. As I mentioned the water slowly lulls back and fort creating waves (that be in my estimation 6” to ’12”) that go forwards and back creating light splashes that go up and in between and down the waves. Creating a hypnotic rhythm that makes me want to leap, and shout and dance. As it laps along the shore and on the rocks I want to sing a song and hum with melody and harmony. Oh how the water soothes me. It relaxes me as well as making me forget. Just forget as I lose myself in its sensuous seductive rhythm. It draws me in and I will not deny it for if I deny it, I would be denying myself which I cannot do or won’t do or don’t do or couldn’t do or just not do. That is the only choice (if one can make one) I make without thinking, for I need not think on it for I already know the choice (if one can make one) that I will and have and was making. It is a continuous choice that I make over and over again, but it is always the same. But I must make the choice for if I did not I know not what would or could happen, and do not want to find out either. So I make the choice, as I always do, so nothing will change. For I love the way things are and do not wish them to change. So now it is and was and will be. Or it was and will be and is. Or it will be and is and was. No matter how I look or hear or say it is, was, and will be.