From a Notebook Lost: The Same and The Other 10

by mudrhetoric

Slowly treading water, I look towards the night sky, full of bright, shining, twinkling stars. The water is cold and still, and the night is beautiful. There be no wind and the moon, which is full, is in full effect covering all I can see with its luminous light. I bask in its glow, smiling as I splash around a little. I watch the water ripple in a pattern. Slowly moving away from me, to go somewhere. Goosebumps begin to form on my skin, and my hair is matted down to my skull, but this makes me smite all the more. I know not why but each time I come here I become more human and unique and an individual which I aim to be. My thoughts once lucid are now clear. No longer do I not understand what I know, for everything that I know is now known to me. Taking a deep breath I plunge into the water, opening my eyes to see all that exists below, but nothing is there which surprises me a little. I am sure that there is something in here besides me. I swim in this and that direction, just swimming to swim. Trying to relax out my thoughts and to clear my mind of anything that I not need anymore, but this takes time. So I continue to swim for as long as I need and even longer than I need for I enjoy this more than anything in the world, for this be the only place that I am alone with myself. And that being alone pleases me so and that being alone it what makes me happy. Happy is not an emotion or feeling that I get very often so when I am happy I live to savor it and try to make it last for as long as possible. Sometimes it be a long time and sometimes a short time, but whatever the time I have learned to be content with it. Though I used to wish they would come more often, they did not. So I learned to love them whenever they came. So when they came I sang and danced for it was the time for that, and when they left I went back to sitting and standing as I do now, and talking and writing as I do now. As I am now I was not always. This, as I am now came over a long period of time. If you can imagine I used to be much different when I was in years where I was younger. Now I am as you see, but once before I used to be different, not the same as I am now. So as I am, I was not. So as I be, I were not. So as I will be, I will not be as I am or as I was, but as I will be. So when I will be, then I will be.